Grieving

     The loss of my friend this past week has made a big impact on me.  He took his own life and this troubles me deeply, for his family's loss and also knowing I could have caused my own family the same tragedy.  It reminds me how much you must be so far gone in your mind to even consider such action and how sad it is for him that he was so so depressed and desperate.  I neglected a friend that could have used my help, despite several prompts in the past few months to contact this friend and I cannot help but be mad at myself for making excuses like lack of time.  It may not have saved my friend but at least I would have known in my heart I had said everything I could have to help him.

     I can only hope that I can learn from this personally and remember my friend Chris for the kind hearted, sensitive, generous, funny person that he was.  The world is a little darker without him in it.  I'm glad I know in my heart that he's not alone and that his family and friends WILL see him again someday.

"Where did I go wrong?  I lost a friend somewhere alone in the bitterness, and I would have stayed up with you all night had I know how to save a life."

I'll miss you Chris Hoskins.

New Business

I have a new idea for my business!  Well, I didn't come up with it but that's okay.  It's for bridal showers-Toilet Paper Cakes! I'm not quite sure how to go about decorating it yet so your ideas and feedback are welcome, as always.

Cakes

Going to start making my third cake in 30 days! Yay!  A fluke, but still.  Wish I knew how to run a business better.  We could really use the income.  Or any income really.  If you good souls could spread the word and maybe some business cards I would gladdly mail them to you to give out!

The Weekend

We all went to our friends house up in Ogden on Saturday to have a little dinner, play some games, let the kids play(they have a 3 year old girl, who is just a smidge shorter and lighter than Lukey, that Luke loves to play along with).  We had a lot of fun and thank goodness it was at their house and not our apartment becuase of all the noise we made with laughing and such.

In fact, we had so much fun that I have no voice today.  In the eight years that Casey and I have known each other I have never played active video games with him nor played them in front of him.  There's good reason for this.  Just like when I ice skate and think I am falling(which is frequent), and bowling when I throw the ball behind me, when I play video games that require more than point and click or sing into the microphone I tend to scream and shriek.  Loudly.  Not intentional mind you but an instinctive scream straight from the gut.  And its ear piercing, just ask Casey, our friends, and our friend's daughter who kept asking me to stop screaming while playing Mario on the Wii Saturday night.

Shopping Adventures

So we stopped in the grocery store to get buns for dinner and we have Luke in the cart and he looks up and sees this tall man with a cowboy hat on and Luke points to the man and says as loud as he can without yelling, "yee-ha!".  All three of us adults were ROLLING!  He's such a little cutie.
On a completely different and depressing note, I guess we're putting off having another baby for a while.  Indeffinitely.  What's that scripture say?  All things will work together for your good?  Okay, that's the new chant.

Quietly Observing

My lovey little boy is quietly observing his parents more than we realized. I asked him to be a helper and throw the empty box of oreos in the garbage. He went into the kitchen and I followed so if it didn't actually make it in the trash I could pick up after him. He set the box on the floor and gingerly starts to step on, flattening it as mommy does before putting boxes in the garbage, and choosing the exact cupboard we keep the trash in.

A few hours later I caught him playing with a toy police car and mimicking the way his dad makes siren noises. So smart!

Pins and Needles

A lot of really good things or really discouraging things are going to be happening pretty rapidly here. Putting your future on hold for a year or more isn't very appealing when you live beneath the poverty line and I have to say, the whole thing makes me a bundle of nerves. I appologize to anyone I have been snippy or blunt with lately, especially my husband.

If all goes well, we could be looking at some very exciting events that will propell our lives forward significantly. It will mean a better home for Lukey and the rest of us, among other big things. If the crap hits the fan, we could be in this everlasting limbo for a year or two more.

Prayers appreciated from all. Crossing fingers for the best and hoping for spirit of celebration.