My Weight Challenges

I used to be REALLY good at telling lies.  For some reason, the older I get the more terrible I become at it.  So then, I must admit- I have not had a good workout since Luke was born.  Which is part of why the condition of my body continues to deteriorate and I am left with a terrible self image and a terrible sense of self worth.  So I decided enough is enough!

I don't remember how to restrain myself.  Honestly.  I don't remember how to make my portions smaller and deal with the hunger, or eat healthier things even if everyone else isn't, or work out even though it's boring and it hurts and my asthma tries to kill me.  I used to do it all the time, so I know that I knew how to at some point-I just don't remember now.  Most of all, I don't remember how to have self discipline when it comes to managing my weight.  If I want an entire candy bar-why can't I have it?  Gee I don't know, why don't you ask those massive love handles you have.  They can consult with my massive gut and get back to me on that one.

But today-a break through!  My first real workout!  Casey said, "I have to stay in shape for school.  Do you want to go run with me today Beck?"  It must have been divine intervention because what came out of my mouth was, "Why yes, yes I do want to go."  And voila!  I walked/ran a mile, and then paced around the playground and watched Luke play while Casey finished his 3 miles.  I kicked my butt, but I think it's a start!  Here's hoping I can keep the momentum building!

Be careful what you complain about, the Lord is listening.  They stole me from Young Women's to Primary-as the 2nd counselor.  Ah, crap.  And we switched to the 9am block, which I (no kidding) have gone inactive for the year for that block in the past.  Don't judge.
So I won't complain about this calling like I complained about the last two, because if I do and the trend holds up...well, let's just say I am NOT being president of ANY auxiliary.
Casey is doing so well is school (Yay!) I am just tickled pink.  Here's hoping he can get a job offer before he graduates.  Wouldn't it be wonderful to have that peace of mind?  He is starting a new portion of schooling that will finish up early February and get a short break before the last half of school starts, just in time for us celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary!  That day is also the 9th anniversary of the first day we officially started our relationship.  Wow, it's been nearly a decade.  He must love me very very much to keep hanging around after all this time.
Luke turned 3 in December and he's been an adorable little fart of a 3 year old.  He's in the 92% for his weight and the 98% for his height.  The doctor estimates that he will be 6' 3" by age 18.  Hey, it's nothing new for me to be the shortest one in the household.  I'm used to it!
I didn't lose weight (just the opposite) this last year but I did read 20 books, so I don't feel quite so inadequate.  Which makes this years goals: Losing a minimum of 35 lbs., get pregnant, read more than 20 books, and move the crap to a better home.  Not bad, not bad.  And yes, I am an underachiever. :-P

Time to Blog More

     What a crazy summer!  I haven't even taken the time to blog it all and shame on me.  Luke is potty trained, hooray!  We narrowly missed the calamity of lice in our household, Casey is going to school again(I think) and my sleeping schedule is worse than ever.  I've been reading up a storm just to keep somewhat sane and it seems to work alright. 

     As I discovered late this summer, with all the craziness and chaos in our lives right now I am clawing at opportunities to distract myself of it.  Like I said, it keeps me sane.  Theater, choir, Young Women's camp, projects in the house, YourBabyCakes, potty training, and the list goes on and on.

     So now I face 10 months of Casey going to school and trying to figure out how to make ends meet.  With school expenses already taking more than 10% of our yearly income, it leaves us trying to fill in holes on a weekly basis and let's just say I may be joining the workforce(providing anyone will give me a job) very shortly.  I wish we could put my business products in Quilted Bear but that comes with a price tag in itself.  If this doesn't keep my hands busy, nothing will.

More than I can chew...

I've got the play, the Joseph Smith choir, Young Womens, Young Women's Camp, the play, wifely responsibilities, motherly responsibilities, and did I mention the play?  We're down to the wire with the play, which means that we have 3 hour rehearsals 4-6 times a week.  Don't get me wrong, I love all the things I'm doing this summer.  I just feel like I lack the organizational skills, the concentration, and the personal discipline to do everything and not half a** it all.  And on top of all that, I feel the need to get some personal time and end up reading until all hours of the morning.  I take full responsibility for that stupidity.  Anyway, I just wanted to update my blog with something for this week and I found a spare minute to do so(right before my arms fall off tonight). 


Hope everyone can make it to see Erin, Eric, Ben, Josh, Matt, and me in our play that we've put so much time, blood, sweat, and tears into to inspire people.

My Birthday

Birthdays, as most of you know by now, are pretty boring after 21.  There's no right of passage or anything 'sweet' that goes with turning 24, but I did have a good party at my parents house on Sunday.  My dad made my favorite dinner (pepper pot roast and mashed potatoes), I had my favorite ice cream (rocky road) with good cake (black forest cherry), I had wonderful company including a surprise visit from our dear family friends (Hoopers, yay!) who happened to be in town all the way from Mississippi, I had my first choir rehearsal with the orchestra which I had been anticipating all week, and good gifts from my loving family and husband, who also carried out the party nicely and let me visit with everyone at his own expense(Thanks so much, babe!).  It was really nice. 


And then Monday, my actual birth date, was normal and relaxing.  I got to sleep in-again because I have a sweet husband.  I got to enjoy the fits of my 2 year old without having to take care of most of them, and I got the dinner I wanted-provided by Casey :-).  I read my book, I visited with visiting teachers, and I got to snuggle with my hubby.  And on Thursday, my in-laws are taking me to an early dinner before rehearsal. 

Does my birthday rock or what?!  Not too shabby for turning 24.  Not shabby at all. :-D

Irritation

I'm quite bothered by something I'm sure I'm guilty of myself, so no one get too upset please.  I've noticed for a long time now the critical judgement of so many people in my life(like I said, including me sometimes I'm sure) from all places-church, family, friends, neighbors, listening to strangers talk in the check out line, etc.  Not necessarily of me mind you, but it leaves me feeling like they must say those same kinds of things about me.  I notice the hypocrisy in most of the judgment of others-These rules apply to you but it's different for me-and I've also noticed that all these people are critical of others' personal decisions that they themselves wouldn't want to be criticized for.  Confused yet? Me too.  For instance-A certain person I know may have been critical and judgmental about her relative's decisions to get pregnant.  She didn't approve that they wanted to be prego at the same time.  She didn't approve of their financial standing or their standings in their marriage, and she was even critical that they suggested she join in the fun for a triple pregnancy.  Would a simple "no, we don't want a baby right now but thanks for the idea" not have been sufficient?  Would she appreciate other people thinking they know best when is and when is not the best time for HER to have a baby.  Let me tell you, she would not have been tolerant of such opinions.  So here I sit, wondering if the whole world is passing judgement on all my decisions that are clearly not their call to make and wondering if my being critical of such people...is hypocritical.  Confused yet?  Good! Me too.

Family Home Evening

    We are definitely not good at this whole family home evening thing.  However we have done more of it in the past 6 weeks or so than our entire marriage, so at least we're trying now!  Fisher's took us bowling a few weeks ago for FHE and Luke has been knocking down pins(milk jugs) with balls ever since.  Tonight we decided to spend just a little cash and go to Clearfield Aquatic Center for swimming as our activity.  Despite my horror at the thought of being in a swim suit in public-it was a success!  Luke thinks he's an unsinkable fish and he jumped right in with his swim wings and tube and immediately started kicking, never minding the water in his face(or his lungs), and never caring that he couldn't touch the bottom of the pool.  He was so cute as he went up the stairs with Casey to the water slide.  He went down twice, the brave soul.  The current pool was another favorite and he layed his head back on the tube and just soaked up the leisure.  I had to yell at stupid unsupervised kids who were spraying everyone including the countless children under 3, but I guess someone had to say something right?  Luke begged to go off the diving board but I don't think they let you take really small kids on those so I put my foot down with that one.  My child is fearless in the water!  Makes me feel proud and scared all at once.  Hopefully we can make this a regular habit in our home and add in more spiritual things as well, but for now at least we're off the couch, the computer, and the phones for a few hours long enough to spend quality time together just the three of us.     :)