Time to Blog More

     What a crazy summer!  I haven't even taken the time to blog it all and shame on me.  Luke is potty trained, hooray!  We narrowly missed the calamity of lice in our household, Casey is going to school again(I think) and my sleeping schedule is worse than ever.  I've been reading up a storm just to keep somewhat sane and it seems to work alright. 

     As I discovered late this summer, with all the craziness and chaos in our lives right now I am clawing at opportunities to distract myself of it.  Like I said, it keeps me sane.  Theater, choir, Young Women's camp, projects in the house, YourBabyCakes, potty training, and the list goes on and on.

     So now I face 10 months of Casey going to school and trying to figure out how to make ends meet.  With school expenses already taking more than 10% of our yearly income, it leaves us trying to fill in holes on a weekly basis and let's just say I may be joining the workforce(providing anyone will give me a job) very shortly.  I wish we could put my business products in Quilted Bear but that comes with a price tag in itself.  If this doesn't keep my hands busy, nothing will.

More than I can chew...

I've got the play, the Joseph Smith choir, Young Womens, Young Women's Camp, the play, wifely responsibilities, motherly responsibilities, and did I mention the play?  We're down to the wire with the play, which means that we have 3 hour rehearsals 4-6 times a week.  Don't get me wrong, I love all the things I'm doing this summer.  I just feel like I lack the organizational skills, the concentration, and the personal discipline to do everything and not half a** it all.  And on top of all that, I feel the need to get some personal time and end up reading until all hours of the morning.  I take full responsibility for that stupidity.  Anyway, I just wanted to update my blog with something for this week and I found a spare minute to do so(right before my arms fall off tonight). 


Hope everyone can make it to see Erin, Eric, Ben, Josh, Matt, and me in our play that we've put so much time, blood, sweat, and tears into to inspire people.

My Birthday

Birthdays, as most of you know by now, are pretty boring after 21.  There's no right of passage or anything 'sweet' that goes with turning 24, but I did have a good party at my parents house on Sunday.  My dad made my favorite dinner (pepper pot roast and mashed potatoes), I had my favorite ice cream (rocky road) with good cake (black forest cherry), I had wonderful company including a surprise visit from our dear family friends (Hoopers, yay!) who happened to be in town all the way from Mississippi, I had my first choir rehearsal with the orchestra which I had been anticipating all week, and good gifts from my loving family and husband, who also carried out the party nicely and let me visit with everyone at his own expense(Thanks so much, babe!).  It was really nice. 


And then Monday, my actual birth date, was normal and relaxing.  I got to sleep in-again because I have a sweet husband.  I got to enjoy the fits of my 2 year old without having to take care of most of them, and I got the dinner I wanted-provided by Casey :-).  I read my book, I visited with visiting teachers, and I got to snuggle with my hubby.  And on Thursday, my in-laws are taking me to an early dinner before rehearsal. 

Does my birthday rock or what?!  Not too shabby for turning 24.  Not shabby at all. :-D

Irritation

I'm quite bothered by something I'm sure I'm guilty of myself, so no one get too upset please.  I've noticed for a long time now the critical judgement of so many people in my life(like I said, including me sometimes I'm sure) from all places-church, family, friends, neighbors, listening to strangers talk in the check out line, etc.  Not necessarily of me mind you, but it leaves me feeling like they must say those same kinds of things about me.  I notice the hypocrisy in most of the judgment of others-These rules apply to you but it's different for me-and I've also noticed that all these people are critical of others' personal decisions that they themselves wouldn't want to be criticized for.  Confused yet? Me too.  For instance-A certain person I know may have been critical and judgmental about her relative's decisions to get pregnant.  She didn't approve that they wanted to be prego at the same time.  She didn't approve of their financial standing or their standings in their marriage, and she was even critical that they suggested she join in the fun for a triple pregnancy.  Would a simple "no, we don't want a baby right now but thanks for the idea" not have been sufficient?  Would she appreciate other people thinking they know best when is and when is not the best time for HER to have a baby.  Let me tell you, she would not have been tolerant of such opinions.  So here I sit, wondering if the whole world is passing judgement on all my decisions that are clearly not their call to make and wondering if my being critical of such people...is hypocritical.  Confused yet?  Good! Me too.

Family Home Evening

    We are definitely not good at this whole family home evening thing.  However we have done more of it in the past 6 weeks or so than our entire marriage, so at least we're trying now!  Fisher's took us bowling a few weeks ago for FHE and Luke has been knocking down pins(milk jugs) with balls ever since.  Tonight we decided to spend just a little cash and go to Clearfield Aquatic Center for swimming as our activity.  Despite my horror at the thought of being in a swim suit in public-it was a success!  Luke thinks he's an unsinkable fish and he jumped right in with his swim wings and tube and immediately started kicking, never minding the water in his face(or his lungs), and never caring that he couldn't touch the bottom of the pool.  He was so cute as he went up the stairs with Casey to the water slide.  He went down twice, the brave soul.  The current pool was another favorite and he layed his head back on the tube and just soaked up the leisure.  I had to yell at stupid unsupervised kids who were spraying everyone including the countless children under 3, but I guess someone had to say something right?  Luke begged to go off the diving board but I don't think they let you take really small kids on those so I put my foot down with that one.  My child is fearless in the water!  Makes me feel proud and scared all at once.  Hopefully we can make this a regular habit in our home and add in more spiritual things as well, but for now at least we're off the couch, the computer, and the phones for a few hours long enough to spend quality time together just the three of us.     :)

Another Cute Little Moment

     Luke and I were walking through the Macey's parking lot last night when he looks on the row of cars across from us and sees a small family of latinos.  He points, grins and says, "Hi, Dora!".  I love that kid. He makes me laugh so hard.

Cute Little Moments

     I was so frustrated today with my little one that I was about to scream.  The noise was too much, the whining was too much, and it was definitely time for bed or I was gonna snap.  And then I did.  I told Luke to "BE QUIET UNTIL WE GET HOME!".  To his reply, a very quiet, "whatever".  I just about bust a seam trying to keep the laughs under wraps-it was so unexpected I just had to laugh.

     I was just recommended a book and I want someone to go out and read it for me(I'm poor folk, ya know-that and I owe the library money from a million years ago) and let me know if it's any good.  Hero's for My Son by Brad Meltzer.  Ready set go!

Also...for some time now, I can't seem to put picture here on my blog.  Help!!!

I wanted to take a minute just to say how blessed I am.  I have a roof over my family's head, food in my cupboards, soap to sanitize my dishes, a family support group, a church support group, spousal support, and enough money coming in to cover our tails every month with just enough on the side to buy birthday gifts for others and the occasional trip to the D.I.
More than just the necessities, though, I have this beautiful son who lightens up my life a little more every day.  He's my little miracle baby and he gives me such hope.  I've got a husband who loves me no matter what I look like (I know because he's put to the test every waking morning-haha!) and accepts my little ticks and quirks.  I've got sisters who keep me qualifyingly sane and give me advice and laughs to get me through each week.  I get to do 3 big things this summer that give me an outlet-thanks to my husband who volunteered to step up so I could do them.   I've got a church calling that I like more than if I had hand picked it.  And I have a REALLY small business that I channel my creativity into.
There are tons of great things I'm leaving out but I'll save those for another time.  Trying to stay positive is difficult sometimes, but who could stay down for long with all these beautiful things staring them in the face?

My little Lukey is getting SO BIG.  He just ate his first bowl of cereal last week(milk included) all by himself.  *sigh*  He tells me when he's hungry, when he's poopy, when a certain show is on, when he wants to go outside, and tells me to "wake!" when I occasionally fall asleep on the couch or the floor.

He's got such a sweetness about him that even most times when he does something naughty, he's just so darn sweet and sensitive about it that it makes me smile and laugh.  I wouldn't have much daily purpose if it weren't for our little son and he's the light of our day and the stars of our night here at our house.  I love to see Casey coo at him and all he accomplishes.  To watch Casey, watching Luke just tickles me and I can't help but beam!  I'm trying very hard to stay in my happy box and not in the box of crap and my boys just make it easier and easier all the time.

Loves to my Guys!

Sleepless in Clearfield

It's no secret that I have horrible sleeping habits.  Anyone who trys to call me before the crack of noon knows that.  And it just so happens that the good Lord sent me a child who sleeps for 10-12 hours a night.  Things in our home have been pretty buggered up as far as schedules and routines go, at least for us adults, for last several months.  With my new calling and my recent decision to do both a play and a choir this summer my some days tend to be swamped and a lot of what I'm doing right now means leaving Luke with Casey.  Well, he's pretty upset about that.  He's been my #1 focus since the day I knew he was coming and he hasn't adjusted to my absences quite yet.

At first, Luke would bawl when I left and then be mad for about 5 minutes when I got home but now he's attempting to fuse himself to my hip.  He still cries when I leave and now he's decided that he won't go to bed without me at the very least in the room.  The first night I thought, he's upset and what will one time hurt to just hold him until he falls asleep?  The problem came when I started thinking that every night.  I just feel so guilty for being away so much more than we're used to.

Well now I have a little boy who is up til all hours screaming for his mom and banging on the door.  When he finally falls asleep it's only for a few hours and then he's up for several more hours playing the "I'm hungry" card(more guilt).  Needless to say, I've not had much sleep in the past two weeks.  Yes, yes I know I helped create this ugly monster of a problem but gosh darnit he breaks my heart with those cries!  Tonight he went down a little late but without a fight.  Here's hoping he stays asleep.

Busy Summer

     I wasn't going to do more than I think I can handle.  Then again, I wasn't planning on doing a lot of thing in my life that I've done.  So now I find myself in a new calling in young women's, doing this Joseph Smith choir thing, and the sunset city play.  Granted the most of it will be over the end of July but between now and then, I have to figure out how to miraculously become a responsible adult.  This should be interesting, if not commical.

The Host

Excellent News!  The Host by Stephanie Meyer is coming out in paperback!  It will be released on April 13 and will include(among other things):

• New, never before published, bonus chapter AND
• An interview with Stephanie

Furthermore, evesfangarden.com, is having a giveaway of 10 copies of the book.  All you have to do is go to their site and enter to win.  I sure did!  Contest runs through April 2nd so hurry!

My YW Journey

If I could have hand picked a calling it would be in Young Womens.  Ta-dum!  Ask and ye shall recieve!  I was called to be Young Womens Personal Progress Adviser about a week and a half ago and I couldn't have been more thrilled.  Except to say that I'm not the most responsible OR reliable person on the planet, to which there are several close relatives(who shall remain nameless) who would be quick to tell you.  Nor am I the most mature or the greatest role model for young ladies hoping to make their lives relatively peaceful and tranquil.  However, I think I have something to bring to the table; I do have quite a bit of life experience considering my young age, most of which dealing with difficult temptation and trials.  It could be an asset to these girls if they ever need someone who understands major temptation, big loss, despair for sins committed, and help keeping on the straight and narrow without feeling judged.  I really hope my past challenges will give me great knowledge of what these girls need, and the spirit will give me guidence as to how I can best use that knowledge.
Now.  Girls Camp.  I had leaders who mostly fade into the back ground peppered with a couple of crappy ones who never should have been called(in my opinion anyway) and a few who contributed to the massive anchor that helps keep me tied to the gospel and will always help me to find my way back when lost.  Of course I want to be the latter of the kind of leaders I mentioned.  I need help!  I'm not sure how to present myself to these young women in a fun manner and still establish myself as an adult and a leader.  I'm also not sure how keep a positive additude for the girls to make it fun because our ward camp director is unhappy with how the stake is doing camp and doesn't really want the calling in the first place.  The negativity is overwhelming me!
So here's to new callings and the adventures I will have in mine!  Any comments or suggestions are, as always, appreciated.  Phone calls too.  And any ideas for Personal Progress elective experiences and value projects would greatly be appreciated.

Chocolatey Deliciousness

Before I wright something remotely interesting I have to say I just discovered my next chocolate passion.  The brilliance of it was so obvious I don't know why I never thought of it before!  Brownies and cherry pie filling.  Mouth frickin-watering!  I'm gonna need more brownies...

Aventures in Kindney Infection!

Okay, most of you already know the details, but I'm just so dang proud of myself!  How can you tell you have a kidney infection if you're me?  No burning urine, but frequency in urination.  No fever, but hot flashes.  Yes to nausia and killer back pain.  So how long do you wait out the symptems if you don't have insurance?  A week for the first two symptems and 2 or 3 days for the other big ones.
I had this once before when I was pregnant with Lucas.  Didn't know what the crap was the fuss was until I got into the emergency room after bawling all night the pain was so bad.  The pain was definitely worse then, probably because the infection put me in labor.  At 28 weeks.  That resulted in a 2 1/2 day hospital stay to stop labor and to get antibiotics through an IV.
Well at the Urgent Care facility they don't have accomodations for a 2 day stay to do antibiotics through an IV.  What's plan B you ask?  A shot of antibiotics directly into my already sore kidney.  I found my happy place and in it went.
Took the prescription and got it filled to do a course of strong antibiotics on top of the shot.  Went home and took the first pill.  And puked.  Everything.  The nurse said to knock it off or I'd have to go to the ER (to get the meds through an IV).  What??? I can't afford that!  But I lasted the night and am happy to report that I will not need to go and stay at the hospital.  At least not today!

Time of the Season

Our little family went to the park today to take advantage of the sunny weather.  Luke is so big!  He was climbing all over the equipment and being fearless.  He fell once from a good height but only cried for a second before running off the play some more. -sigh- He's getting so big so fast.
I hope he doesn't end up a spoiled brat-we're not having another baby for a while and I think he's pretty well used to being our one and only handsome little man.

Grieving

     The loss of my friend this past week has made a big impact on me.  He took his own life and this troubles me deeply, for his family's loss and also knowing I could have caused my own family the same tragedy.  It reminds me how much you must be so far gone in your mind to even consider such action and how sad it is for him that he was so so depressed and desperate.  I neglected a friend that could have used my help, despite several prompts in the past few months to contact this friend and I cannot help but be mad at myself for making excuses like lack of time.  It may not have saved my friend but at least I would have known in my heart I had said everything I could have to help him.

     I can only hope that I can learn from this personally and remember my friend Chris for the kind hearted, sensitive, generous, funny person that he was.  The world is a little darker without him in it.  I'm glad I know in my heart that he's not alone and that his family and friends WILL see him again someday.

"Where did I go wrong?  I lost a friend somewhere alone in the bitterness, and I would have stayed up with you all night had I know how to save a life."

I'll miss you Chris Hoskins.

New Business

I have a new idea for my business!  Well, I didn't come up with it but that's okay.  It's for bridal showers-Toilet Paper Cakes! I'm not quite sure how to go about decorating it yet so your ideas and feedback are welcome, as always.

Cakes

Going to start making my third cake in 30 days! Yay!  A fluke, but still.  Wish I knew how to run a business better.  We could really use the income.  Or any income really.  If you good souls could spread the word and maybe some business cards I would gladdly mail them to you to give out!

The Weekend

We all went to our friends house up in Ogden on Saturday to have a little dinner, play some games, let the kids play(they have a 3 year old girl, who is just a smidge shorter and lighter than Lukey, that Luke loves to play along with).  We had a lot of fun and thank goodness it was at their house and not our apartment becuase of all the noise we made with laughing and such.

In fact, we had so much fun that I have no voice today.  In the eight years that Casey and I have known each other I have never played active video games with him nor played them in front of him.  There's good reason for this.  Just like when I ice skate and think I am falling(which is frequent), and bowling when I throw the ball behind me, when I play video games that require more than point and click or sing into the microphone I tend to scream and shriek.  Loudly.  Not intentional mind you but an instinctive scream straight from the gut.  And its ear piercing, just ask Casey, our friends, and our friend's daughter who kept asking me to stop screaming while playing Mario on the Wii Saturday night.

Shopping Adventures

So we stopped in the grocery store to get buns for dinner and we have Luke in the cart and he looks up and sees this tall man with a cowboy hat on and Luke points to the man and says as loud as he can without yelling, "yee-ha!".  All three of us adults were ROLLING!  He's such a little cutie.
On a completely different and depressing note, I guess we're putting off having another baby for a while.  Indeffinitely.  What's that scripture say?  All things will work together for your good?  Okay, that's the new chant.

Quietly Observing

My lovey little boy is quietly observing his parents more than we realized. I asked him to be a helper and throw the empty box of oreos in the garbage. He went into the kitchen and I followed so if it didn't actually make it in the trash I could pick up after him. He set the box on the floor and gingerly starts to step on, flattening it as mommy does before putting boxes in the garbage, and choosing the exact cupboard we keep the trash in.

A few hours later I caught him playing with a toy police car and mimicking the way his dad makes siren noises. So smart!

Pins and Needles

A lot of really good things or really discouraging things are going to be happening pretty rapidly here. Putting your future on hold for a year or more isn't very appealing when you live beneath the poverty line and I have to say, the whole thing makes me a bundle of nerves. I appologize to anyone I have been snippy or blunt with lately, especially my husband.

If all goes well, we could be looking at some very exciting events that will propell our lives forward significantly. It will mean a better home for Lukey and the rest of us, among other big things. If the crap hits the fan, we could be in this everlasting limbo for a year or two more.

Prayers appreciated from all. Crossing fingers for the best and hoping for spirit of celebration.

Twilight-What Have You Done To My Wife?

So Casey starts smiling and then the smile melts into a laughter. He says 'come look at this!'. It's a clip on YouTube with the above title. So funny! So those of you who like Twilight and those who wish Twilight would go away, this will amuse you and just might leave a smile on your face when you watch it. I know it did for me!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVy8Dr_SxWg

Congratulations to my beautiful sister on her brand new beautiful baby girl! I haven't been able to see her yet because of strict yet reasonable hospital rules for the flu season but I plan on seeing her later today and I CAN'T WAIT!
So on another topic...on the way home from a baby shower tonight my 'baby' starts to yell "don't!" from the back seat. He's not angry about it he just thinks it's funny. Which it is. I crack up and ask him if I heard him right and he says "ya, I said DON'T!". The kid cracks me up!

Happy New Year Everyone!

I am so happy to start a new year. This one has so many good possibilities that could make my families lives so much sweeter. I'm hoping to lose enough weight that I'm actually okay looking at myself in the mirror. I'm excited to have my Casey be going to school. It makes us all so much happier. Luke is always cheerful to give his daddy kisses and wish him well at school. Well, it sounds more like blah blah blah school blah daddy, but he smiles, blows kisses, and waves when he says it so it must be loving! If all goes according to plan(I know it never does but it's better to be an optimist) we could potentially be moving to a much more suitable place of living by years end. We hope to get pregnant sometime this year with our second baby which is exciting and stressful at the same time.
I'm super excited to get a new niece any day now to love and spoil! And there's always lots of surprises every year. Which is what gives fuel for blogging!